Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Variations on a Theme of Kraft Dinner.


Ian Cooper

After pounding back a few beers and otherwise coming to the end of another boredcast day, we decided to conduct another culinary experiment.

For whatever reason, call it poverty, call it food-lust, call it lack of imagination or really anything else in the cupboard, we had this hankering or gustatory horniness for Kraft Dinner. I guess maybe we were hungry.

Yes I said that right and no it’s not a mistake.

The first thing you need to understand is that army guys eat this shit all the time and the second thing is that it won’t kill you.

Throw half a WW II mess tin of water on to boil, salt in there to taste. Rip open your typical box of K-rations as you see fit.

So now what you want to do it to chop up a slice of a 37-mm onion, dice a trice of red, white or blue pepper and a couple of standard-issue shrooms don’t hurt as well. Okay, so, as soon as your H2O boils, what you want to do is to chuck all that shit in there and sort of pretend it’s soup for a while, and at this point it starts to smell pretty inspired. Seven minutes is way too long to be honest with you.

Unfortunately, it’s not. Not until you dump a pinch of herbs and spices in there and don’t forget that other box of generic crap dinner. You’ve got a dozen or so in the cupboard and you can never really eat it fast enough. The government’s trying to kill you, they just keep giving you more and more of it.

(Editor's Note: strain the water off in the usual fashion. - ed.)


What you do is to rip that other box open, take out the cheese powder and throw the rest of that shit away.

I know this is politically incorrect, but just trust me for a minute. What you now have is double-cheese K-rations, and that is really our big breakthrough here.

Also, salt to taste and adding a shit-load of black pepper is helpful as well.

I ate the whole friggin’ thing, ladies and gentlemen.

That is the greatest testimonial of all.


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