Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Philadelphia Cream Cheese Experiment.

Courtesy U.S. Navy

Top Secret

Your Eyes Only

From:  Chief of Naval Operations                                                                 August 29/2015
            Admiral Owen Jenkins

To:      David Weslingham
           Vice President Product Development
           Krafft Foods, Dairy Products Division

Dear David;
Regarding the test results from experiments with your product conducted from May 12/15 to June 17/15 inclusive. The majority of fleet personnel have responded to the questionnaire issued to U.S.S. Bainbridge ad U.S.S. Cormorant, the vessels participating in the aforesaid experiment. Breakdown is as follows. Preference for pineapple additive, fourteen percent, French onion additive, twenty-six percent, jalapeno, thirty-one percent, cinnamon-apple, nine percent and the other three flavors, dill pickle, peanut and olive, were evenly divided at about or just under seven percent each.

Yes, in general, ratings and senior personnel liked the cheese. Aroma, flavour, and mouth-feel were all rated as A-Plus or equivalent. The appearance of the product was appealing in ninety-six point-seven percent of cases. The product did not produce excessive amounts of intestinal gases, and neither did it cause undue indigestion.

Under FDA testing, the product met or exceeded all guidelines for food safety including low counts of toxic constituents. Independent laboratory examination has corroborated these results.

Moreover, the ability to store the product for extended cruise duration is a prime indicator that it would be available in sufficient quantities to satisfy crew desires for unique flavour combinations over the duration of a deployment. The resulting boost in morale is significant. There would be minimal need for replenishment in foreign or suspect markets, thereby eliminating security concerns regarding offshore vendors and contractors, which as you are aware is an ongoing process of the Department of the Navy.  The ultimate goal of this three-year study is to select a core group of suppliers and reduce the dependence on offshore vendors. In short, David, congratulations. Your firm has the contract for the next two years of shipboard trials. I think we can all look forward to a successful conclusion to this phase or aspect of the experiment.

Documents confirming the order are forthcoming.


The unfortunate incident aboard U.S.S. Cormorant of June 2/15 remains highly classified. Early indications from the ongoing investigation are that the personnel found embedded in the decks and bulkheads of Cormorant resulted from experimental work being conducted at an undisclosed location, unrelated to this project. Krafft Foods and their Products Development Division have no cause for alarm in the opinion of this office and should not unduly concern themselves with issues of liability, culpability, or other issues, other than nominal security issues upon which you will be briefed.

It would be best if speculations about this event among Krafft Foods staff were kept to a minimum. Such speculations should most especially not be shared with outsiders or those not connected to the project, or those without sufficient security clearances.
Officers of the Department of the Navy will attend your offices and facilities by appointment only, in order to further inform you of your duties and responsibilities in this regard. They will instruct you and your staff in civilian contractor security protocols. There were a limited number of Krafft Foods staff involved aboard on the day in question and we will take all measures to limit further disruption. Krafft Foods representatives will also be briefed by members of the Judge Advocate General’s office regarding the Department of the Navy’s provisional compensation package.

We deeply regret exposing you and your staff to unanticipated dangers, and this office assures Krafft Foods that such an event will not occur a second time.

You have this office’s deepest apologies.

In a more personal note, the Department of the Navy knows, David, just how upsetting it must have been for you and your staff members to have witnessed such an event, and you are applauded in your commitment to limiting disclosure to all but the most crucial staff members involved in this matter.

Thank you and have a good day.

Sincerely yours,

Admiral Owen Jenkins
United States Navy, Pacific Fleet.