A Cheap and Alternative Chicken Coating Mix. + SECOND BONUS RECIPE.

Meat + heat = eat.

Okay, this is my recipe for some kind of cheap and alternative chicken coating mix.

What you want to do is put a half a cup of flour in a bowl. This will do about six chicken legs, if you’re doing a hundred, adjust the recipe accordingly.

We add salt, black pepper, Mrs. Dash, paprika, celery salt, and sage to the mix and whip that around with a fork for a while.

After that, we roll the chicken around in there for a while. Fresh chicken straight from Walmart is best, although we usually cook half the dead chicken legs (live ones are no good as they keep moving around and shaking the coating mix off), and then freeze the other half.

You might want to wash everything down before and after as salmonella is a bitch. Leave it in the oven until it really starts to stink like cooked chicken. I use a pan. I know I’ve said that before, and I’ll say it again, but it really applies to all foods, uh, bearing in mind that they should all smell differently, but really stink when the juices flow and the internal temps are rising.

Right?

Right.

It’s not that hard, ladies and gentlemen.

Meat plus heat equals eat.

A simple equation.

To go along with that, we microwave a couple of potatoes in the skin and reheat some cold green beans for a minute or so and voila!

You’ve got a half-decent meal that ain’t going to kill you and it smells fantastic out in the hallway just in case Social Services picks now of all times to do a building sweep based on socio-economic circumstances and psycho-sexual profiling….the point is that you can’t run and still maintain your benefits. And let’s be honest, you really should be in some kind of institution.

My other point is that the benefits are adjusted according to circumstance, so you want to try and stay out of institutions and the like. You have the right to privacy and I really can’t (or shouldn’t) comment on your circumstances just in case you sign over your birthright to me and people start to ask questions.

Also its food. Look. If you don’t eat you don’t shit—and if you don’t shit, you die.

It’s just that simple, ladies and gentlemen. It’s also pretty good advice even though I’m not a doctor although I pretend to be one on the internet(s) sometimes including dating sites of a half a dozen putative orientations but don’t worry it’s not real and I really am just a twit.

Right?

Right.

Okay.

Now, in our second, bonus recipe, we have put some green beans and a slice of onion, chopped, into a can of Campbell\s vegetable soup. We also took a slice of tomato including the navel, (which is very important for the symbolism) and threw that in there too. This is really good with some cold chipped or flaked ham, depending what tribe lives in your area. I squirt a shit-load of mustard on there and you really got something.

Other than that, I guess you’re on your own.

But don’t blame me if you fuckin’ starve to death.

END