Me and Buzz Housefly.

"A housefly in Chennai," Aravind Sivaway, (Wiki.)

Ian Cooper

Yay. Buzz (my pet housefly) has returned. He was probably just sulking, ah, due to the fact that I've tried to kill him ten or twelve times today.

I tried to get him a few times yesterday too, but he keeps coming back, looking for more. I thought I'd killed him a few times there, but maybe I was being too gentle. All that goop, ladies and gentlemen. Right?

I didn't want to get any of him on me...

Flies are okay. They're good people.

They're a bit like a dog in that sort of unconditional love that flies have.

You can even frolic with them, although I have to admit the poor little guy’s a bit of a punching-bag when I’m feeling insecure.

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. It's just that Buzz and I have become a bit withdrawn, perhaps even isolated over the years.

Every so often we feel the need to talk.

...let's hope me and Buzz get out of here for a little while tomorrow. Nice thing about a housefly, you can carry 'em in a matchbox.

...sounds to me like someone's got another idea. (Buzz.)

I just received an email where someone asked, "If I bought one of your books, would you sleep with me?"

I said, "Sure, and why not, it sure beats having sex with you."

“That’s funny, Ian. Are you working right now?”

“Ah, yes, Buzz, I am.”

“Okay. Well. I’ll try not to bother you too much.”

Buzz came and sat in my lap first thing this morning. They're eminently trainable. I kind of worry about the little guy sometimes. All that second-hand smoke.

I knew Buzz was a keeper when he flew inverted two inches above the keyboard, then pulled up into a series of Cuban-8s, hammerheads and rolling circles.

I think he likes me.

Buzz and I are going to the park to play catch later, but first some lunch. Houseflies don’t eat much; (they don’t drink much either), but a single grain of sugar keeps him going all day long. As for myself, I don’t know, maybe back-bacon sandwiches or something.

I leave the balcony screen door open so he can go out and have a shit and stuff like that. 

They’re not too hard to look after, that’s for sure.

It’s okay for you guys, you got wives and husbands, children and grandchildren.

All I got is this lousy housefly.

Anyways, we’re (Buzz is around the house somewhere) going to have a beer and try and figure out what to make for lunch.

END